I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
