i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
