Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
