Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
