Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
