your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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