there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
