I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
