OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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