fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need moral support for this bender
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
