I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
