Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
