Have you finally orgasmed yet?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
