Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
