Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
