Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
