wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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