also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
