Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
