i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Vodka?
Forever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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