My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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