Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
