So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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