she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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