I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
