I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
