I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
