u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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