can u get pink eye on your cock?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
