i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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