Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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