If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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