i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
