he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
