He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
