if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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