I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
