come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
