so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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