No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
