Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
