Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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