S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
