ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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