I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
