I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
