11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
