Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
