I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
