I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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