this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
