Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
