I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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