found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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