We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
