I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
