This girl is more easily done than said...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
