The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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