Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
